In the process of applying for church membership I had to write up a short testimony. It certainly doesn't tell all the story, but it does hit the highlights.
I was born into a Christian family and was taught throughout my childhood to pray, to read and memorize Scripture, tithe, etc. My parents are wonderfully supportive and have a godly marriage. We were members of the Worldwide Church of God, a church whose theology was faulty in many regards, but whose commitment to Biblical authority was undeniable. I was thirteen or fourteen when I committed my life to Jesus Christ in prayer. Of course, at this time I didn’t grasp my own sinfulness, but I wanted to be godly and obey. I was baptized on August 2, 1997 at the age of 18, by the then-pastor of my church, Roger Ludwig. I had been thinking about baptism for some time, but was confirmed in this desire by an encounter of sorts. I would almost describe this encounter as God’s speaking to me, but the exact words I won’t try to parse. It is sufficient to note that I was very aware of my smallness, God’s magnitude, and the joyful absurdity that in His greatness He would condescend to care for me. This encounter sealed the deal, and I was baptized shortly thereafter.
I must confess that I felt far from exuberant following my baptism. It seemed that very shortly afterward all of the battles that I had been fighting escalated, as if my previous battles had only been against puppets with wooden swords. The battles now were grueling and vicious, too often leaving me bloodied on the battlefield. During this time I was also wrestling with an upheaval of much of my theology. I had grown up keeping the Law, including the food laws, the Jewish festivals, and the seventh day Sabbath. In addition, I felt that those not keeping these laws could not be saved. In my late teens, the church I was attending began to realize that we had misinterpreted much of the new covenant and had been living under legalism. I was still wrestling with these changes in college, in addition to dealing with a dating relationship and the later fallout thereof. Thus, during the first three years of my undergraduate college years God dramatically broke and reshaped me.
I began graduate school at Wyoming in January of 2002. I didn’t feel the same turmoil that I had felt at the beginning of my undergraduate education, and I wanted to share some of the things that I had learned in that valley with some of the older teens at my church. Thus, I began giving sermonettes, specifically targeted at older teens approaching college. After a year or so I began giving sermons once a month. (Our church has a lay pastor, so several different men help out in the pulpit duties.) Coupled with these increasing responsibilities was a greater seriousness about Bible study and my own relationship with God. During these years I grew spiritually, especially through my relationship with our new pastor Shannon Fertig (my older cousin) and his wife Denise –I found in them a kindred spirit and encouraging presence in the walk of faith.
I graduated with an M.S. in July 2003 and came to Cornell in August. I have seen God work here in my life in three ways—probably more too. First, in interacting with Christians of different denominations, political viewpoints, nationalities, and professions; I have been astounded at the magnitude of God’s kingdom. Truly the rock that struck all other kingdoms is growing to fill the whole earth and though the kingdom of God suffers violence it advances with equal vehemence. Second, I have learned much about Biblical study from older people in Cornell’s Graduate Christian Fellowship, from teachings at church and things like Pastor Felker’s Systematic Theology class, and from leading a few Bible studies. Finally, God has blessed me here with more friends than I have ever had—Christian friends who share a passion to follow Jesus and help each other when the road is difficult. That brings me to today.
As I reread what I’ve just written, I realize that it doesn’t capture the essence of what I want to say. The essence of my life is this: God continues to seek and save me who would otherwise be lost. As a man who was taught to and prides himself on never quitting, I too often find myself ready to throw in the towel. In these times, when I feel like my quitting would do God a favor, when part of me just wants to let go because it is too hard, it is then that I find that the epitome of perseverance is found in God alone, who truly does not quit. The potter has begun to shape the clay and will not turn back his hand until it is the vessel he desired it to be. Praise be to God for this faithfulness in spite of my faithlessness.
